Sunday, July 13, 2008


A widow is a woman whose spouse has died. A man whose spouse has died is a widower. The state of having lost one's spouse to death is termed widowhood.

Today I am writing about widowhood. There are many of us in that category. I have been thinking today what it means to be a widow. How our lives are changed and what changes we have to make in our lives. Women have a longer life span and widowhood could plunge a family into poverty. Fortunately I was not forced into poverty. I have been able to live the lifestyle that my husband and I had created for ourselves with careful planning throughout the years. Many widows are not as lucky as I. They have been widowed at a young age or have small children to be the sole provider for. I did not fall into either of these categories.

We all grieve in different ways. You will know you are getting better when your memories make you smile instead of breaking you into tears, or when you can tell someone else that life really does go on, or you find a way to leave your grief in the past and find you are actually enjoying living.

Getting through the holidays the first year is hard for most widows. I find holidays do not bother me. I still have my children and grandchildren to prepare for and I have the memories of yesterdays gone by. As I set the table with the special linens and glassware that my family always uses, all the wonderful memories pass before my eyes. I smile to myself and go on, life has to go on. Yes, as a widow my life has changed and I have made the necessary changes to actually enjoy living. I have made a new life for myself by necessity.

By Lord Alfred Tennyson
O that 'twere possible
After long grief and pain
To find the arms of my true love
Round me once again!...
A shadow flits before me,
Not thou, but like to thee:
Ah Christ, that it were possible
For one short hour to see
The souls we loved, that they might tell us
What and where they be!

I never knew how much my husband did for us. Now that decision making is my responsibility, I find it overwhelming at times. I do have sons to ask for advice, but ultimately the decisions I make are mine, right or wrong.

As I am writing this post to my blog, I have a smile on my face reflecting back on the good memories I have of the best husband and the best years of my life. IF ONLY!!!!


Judy said...

I am so glad you have adjusted to the loss of your husband and have gone on with your life. I am sure you have wonderful children that are there for you. I like the little poem. You will surely reunite one day. I like the new music. Have a great week.

carebear said...

This has not been a good day, but after reading your blog it has made me see that I really do have a life to live to the fullest...I am getting there one day at a know who...

Elaine Williams said...

This is a wonderful, encouraging post. So many times those who have lost become stuck in the mourning, ten or even fifteen years later. It is hard, it is heartwrenching, but the best thing we can do for ourselves, our children and our family, is to embrace our life as it is now, and be the best we can be. As a widow of four years I have reshaped, recreated and reinvented my life. I love my life now, but I too remember what it was like to have my husband with us. Now, I miss my husband the most for my 3 boys who lost their father too early. But we have all grown through this experience and come out on the other side intact.

Kelly said...

I have read this several times each day since you wrote it. I've been trying to figure out what to write because it is so touching and beautiful! It is encouraging to anyone facing loss of any kind in their lives.

You have indeed made him Proud by the way you have been able to keep smiling and laughing and going on with life! He knew that he had the Love of His Life and was so Proud of you during your years together while knowing that you would continue to make him Proud after he was gone.

The love that you continue to so graciously extend to all your friends, family and loved ones are a reflection of your big, loving Heart, the one that he was so in love with!

I am sure that he is so proud of the beautiful woman that you are! I know that we all are!!